Technolove

Two new loves:




What a luxury to pull out my computer anywhere at anytime. Someone's a few minutes late? No problem, I'll just pull out my laptop. Want to schedule an appointment with me? Okay, I'll just grab my calender. Stroke of genius sitting somewhere? I can grab my computer and type up my idea. Sure, laptops have been around for a long time but I've never had one and I'm LOVING the freedom already.

The iPod came free with the purchase of the computer. It still hasn't hit me that I can have thousands of songs at my fingertips. The Nano's tagline is that it is "impossibly small" and it really is. It weighs absolutely nothing and tucks away in the smallest of pockets. I have heard mixed reviews about it's durability and lifespan so I'll have to see how mine fares.

Alright, enough of the materialism, onto more important things.

I officially resigned today. September 29th will be my last day of work. It feels strange to be leaving but it's nice to leave on such a positive note. I learned so much in this position which will hopefully help me land an equally interesting position in Toronto. I keep having strange, coincidental run-ins with people who have contacts in Toronto. Today, for example, I bumped into someone who tried to headhunt me for a private sector position a number of months ago. At the time, I wasn't interested in the position but today, after telling him about my plans, he mentioned that his company's head office is in Toronto. He then asked me to submit my resume to him and said that he would pass it along to their recruiting manager.

Finally, if you haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, go see it. It's touching, funny, and extremely well acted. I highly recommend it!

Confidence

The front page of the Edmonton Journal today had a story about the project that I've been pouring my heart into at work. I was interviewed yesterday and I couldn't help but burst with a little bit of pride that my project was being highlighted as a success story.

Then, came home to a message from the Vancouver Police Department inviting me for an interview for a postion that I applied for back in June. Back in June I would have been ecstatic about the possibility of landing a dream job in Vancouver but today it just felt bittersweet. My immediate future lies in Toronto so I promptly sent back a response that thanked them for the opportunity but let them know that I was withdrawing from the competition.

Eli asked me if I felt any resentment about my decision and I absolutely do not. Sure, I can dream wistfully about how perfect it might have been to move to Vancouver but I am confident that Toronto will be perfect in its own way too. Everything has been falling into place so easily. All the worries I have had about certain complexities involved in uprooting my life have proven themselves to be non-issues. It all makes me feel that I am moving in the direction I am supposed to.

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.
- Lao-tzu

Better

Yeah there were times
When I was lonely
And I lay here like a ghost
Upon my bed
I never thought about my friends
I never called up anyone
I was happy hiding out
Inside my head
But then you came along
And loved me all up
First you calmed me down
And then you took my hand
And as we lay under the sky
And watched the planes go by
I knew I’d never be
The same again
- From "Always Getting Better" by Blue Rodeo

Eek.

Things are a little stressful right now. I am in the middle of trying to sell my condo, finishing my projects at work, figuring out how to move a ton of stuff to Toronto, trying to find a new job, dealing with a cat that doesn't like strangers, keeping my place in perfect condition, and seeing my friends and boyfriend every now and again. It's a lot to juggle!

This is going to be a very busy month!

Eeek.

But, whenever I feel stressed I think of Michelle who is about to give birth any day now and then plans to move from Ireland to Vancouver at the beginning of October. Is she crazy? Brave? Super organized? I don't know, but I definitely admire her.

Our New Home

I forgot to mention that we found a lovely place to live in Toronto. It's the 2nd floor of an old house with lots of character. We'll be sharing the place with Eli's cousin, Caitlin, who is already in Toronto and was willing to go and check out the listings that we kept sending to her. The house has hardwood floors, a clawfoot bathtub, a master bedroom with attached sunroom, a real wood-burning fireplace, AND a chalkboard wall in the kitchen! Also, apparently we are able to paint the rooms if we like and might even be given a paint subsidy to do so! The area we're going to be living in is just on the tip of Little Italy, with 24 hour transit nearby and lots of little shops and restaurants. It sounds perfect!

Off the Hook

Setting:
At home. One load of laundry is washing. Kitchen is clean. Cat is fast asleep and stretched out on my bed. Sunshine streams through my window. A vanilla latte sits by my deskside. M. Ward plays in the background.

This is the vacation day that I've been dreaming about. Being at home and doing lots of ordinary things. I wouldn't enjoy this every day but I'm certainly enjoying it now. Life has been hectic and tiring and stressful lately but today is none of those things.

On Tuesday, I got back from a whirlwind trip to B.C. Eli and I left last Wednesday and drove all day and part of the night to get to Kaslo to visit with L. and J. and meet up with G. and R. Wednesday evening we all sat around the fire nestled by the lake and caught up on everything we've been up to for the last little while. Then, Thursday morning, Eli, G., R., and myself piled into the car and drove to Shambhala. We arrived in the afternoon and sat in a 7-hour lineup waiting for them to let us in. The lineup was long, very very long, but we were lucky to have good company and it passed quicker than it might have otherwise.

Describing Shambhala is difficult. It's approximately 10,000 people gathered together for different reasons. For some people it's a spiritual experience and they spend the weekend meditating, dancing, and connecting with others; for some people it's just a big rave that includes excessive drug use and hedonism; for some people it's a camping trip with friends; for some people it's a music festival and they come to see specific acts; and for some people it's a combination of all of these things.

For me, this year was less about going crazy and more about connecting with others. I spent most of the time deep in conversation with good friends and people that I've wanted to get to know better. It wasn't a high-energy, ecstatic adventure this year but that isn't what I was really looking for either. Some of my best memories from the weekend include long talks on the beach with friends who I got to know in a deeper way than I ever had before.

Leonard Cohen has a poem called S.O.S 1995 where he says:

"Whoever is in your life,
those who harm you,
those who help you;
those whom you know
and those whom you do not know -
let them off the hook,
help them off the hook.
Recognize the hook."

That excerpt swirled around my head at Shambhala. For me, that is the spirit of Shambhala. So when I crossed paths with someone from my past, I let him off the hook. He might not have known that I did, but I did. Our real conversation was pretty mundane but the conversation in my head said "You are off the hook. Roar, pounce and be happy" and I imagined him saying the same to me. He might not have, but I imagined he did.

Eli and I also had moments of deep connection that reassured me that we are heading in the right direction together. We talked excitedly about the future, imagining what our life is going to be like in a couple months. We talked about the conflicting feelings we were feeling about leaving. Excitement and anticipation for new people and places and things contrasted with sadness and longing for the old.

Now that I'm back, leaving seems like it is right around the corner. One month and a little bit and we'll be gone. My condo is going up for sale in a couple of days and I'm starting to decide what things I'll take and what things I'll leave. We're making lists of tasks that have to be completed and the number of items on them seem a bit overwhelming. Still, everytime I feel my pulse rush or my heart beat faster I remind myself that I'm not doing it alone and I feel better.

A partner in crime is nice. A partner in life is even better.

The Summer's (almost) Gone

Brrrr! It is absolutely freezing today at work. My fingers are stiff and my nose feels like an icicle is about to form on the end. I have myself bundled in a sweater but I'm still sitting here with my teeth chattering.

The weekend came and went quickly but it was really nice. It was rainy for much of the weekend but I didn't mind. It's nice to be able to put on cozy sweaters, drink warm drinks, and have ambient lamps on during the day. It reminded me of the feeling of autumn and made me realize that the summer isn't going to be around for much longer. Sunday afternoon, Eli and I were having coffee together and Leonard Cohen's wafted through the coffeeshop singing "the summer's gone but a lot goes on forever". I smiled as I thought about how the end of the summer will bring such big changes for us. We are antsy with excitement. Many of our sentences start with "In Toronto…" or "In our new place…". It's hard to live in the present these days, my mind keeps drifting to the future.

I put in an application for a job with the Toronto Police Service a few days ago. It's not my dream job but it looks like an interesting position. Unfortunately, I realized as the fax was going through that I had a typo in the very first sentence. How embarrassing! It's hard to maintain that you pay close attention to detail when you don't proofread your own cover letter. Eeeep : | I'm starting to put applications in here and there for positions that interest me. I'm not desperate to find something before I go but if it happens that way that would be great.

This is another week of early mornings but next week I'll be on vacation! YAY!