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I had the most horrible day in recent recollection.

My old buddhist teacher once remarked that he was surprised by how many people expect that things will always go well in their lives. He said that life is full of disappointments and that negatives are as much a part of life as all of the positive things. I know this to be true yet it doesn't quite take away the sting of today.

I ran for an hour today but I couldn't escape my head or heart ache.

Inspired

Montreal

Poet with no poems
Lover with no love
Driver with no drive
Invisible as you try to be
You leave footprints
wherever you go.

I sat in a cafe in Montreal
Half expecting you to come clink my glass
"To Cohen," you'd say
"To Dylan," I'd say
and both cringe at the cliches
our lives had become.

Instead, I drank alone
and had red wine epiphanies
I forgot my journal
so the wisdom was lost
I flirted with the waiter
who preferred young men.

College Days/College Nights

Welcome to my dorm room. This is what I've been calling home for the last week and a bit. This room is considered a 'deluxe' room at the college because it has a double bed (most rooms have twins) and its own bathroom (most people have to share a bathroom with someone else). It's not so bad but I'm getting excited to go home on Friday.

Eli came for a visit this past weekend and it was so good to see him. He arrived Friday afternoon with flowers and whisked me away from the college. We ate yummy food, got drunk at a pub called the Glue Pot, explored Ottawa and just enjoyed being in each other's company. Sunday night I snuck him into my dorm room and as I went off to class early Monday morning he headed back to Toronto.

The course I'm taking feels like a waste of time which is disappointing. It's an advanced analytic course but so far it has been really underwhelming. After each lecture we are split into groups to complete banal exercises. We are then debriefed and told that there is no "right" answer. There is much repetition and very little challenge. Everyone in the class is an experienced analyst, many of us with undergraduate or graduate degrees, and I've been noticing that we all share similar sentiments. Thankfully, there's only a few more days to go.

Hello from Ottawa

Brrrrr! I'm in very chilly Ottawa for the next two weeks on a course. Due to an administrative mix-up I was put up in this room



instead of the bare bones college dorm that everyone else is staying in. I'm not sure if the true massiveness of the bed comes across in the picture but trust me, it is King-sized and seems fit more for a Roman orgy than a business trip. Unfortunately, my life of luxury ends tomorrow when I have to check into the regular ol' dorm. I will post a picture of that room tomorrow and you will see the sharp contrast.

Tonight I'm in my room listening to Joni Mitchell and getting sentimental. Moments ago I was singing along to "I wish I had a river I could skate away on" and realized the irony that I am in Ottawa and do indeed have the Rideau River to skate away on. And I just might. But not tonight because it is c-c-c-cold and I am not used to this kind of bone-chilling winter!

There are analysts from all over Canada on my course and I met some interesting people today including a guy from Toronto. He asked me how I was liking Toronto so far and I told him it was quite an adjustment. He told me that Toronto is a city that you need time to learn to love (three or four years, in his opinion!). He echoed the sentiment that I've heard from numerous people -- that everyone hates it in the beginning but over time you learn to love its eccentricities. Alright Toronto, I'm willing to take some more time to learn to love you but come on, show off more of your good parts!

Truthfully, I'm *not* hating it. It's more like a complicated relationship that you're not sure is worth the effort -- but you're really hoping! I guess we'll see!

One thing that was kind of a sad turn of events was that Eli lost his job. Yes, the job that we moved across the country for. It was unfortunate, but they just couldn't afford him due to a bunch of factors and were forced to let him go. It's been a tough couple of weeks but we've both come to terms with this and are trying to see the positive in it. This might sound like a cliche but I really do believe that when one door closes another one opens and I'm absolutely confident that something wonderful is going to come along for him. He's such a smart, talented, diversely experienced person and people see that immediately. I'm not worried but I know that he is so I hope that things happen sooner than later for him.

Our lives have been filled with so much change lately. I'm so glad that we have each other to lean on...it makes both the good and the not-so-good a lot better.

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that

You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that.

'Cause I'll tell you you're right when you're wrong
And if only you could see into me...

Oh, when you're cold, I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you you're so much better than you know

When you're lost, when you're alone, and you can't get back again
I will find you, darling, and I'll bring you home
And if you want to cry I am here to dry your eyes

And in time you'll be fine
-Sade