L.C.

This past weekend my friend Keith patiently stood in line at an Indigo store in Toronto at my request. You see, Leonard Cohen was making a rare appearance to promote his new poetry book and I was disappointed that Toronto was the only store he'd be stopping into so I begged Keith to go on my behalf and get a book signed for me and he agreed. The day of the event he called me saying that he had arrived at the store an hour early and that it was pandamonium and that he was about 200th in line. At that point I wasn't sure if he'd actually get a book signed or even make it inside but I was so touched by his gesture of friendship that I could hardly even express my gratitude.

An hour later he called and left a message for me on my phone and I immediately recognized it as Leonard Cohen's voice and he was reading a poem. It was magical, crystal clear, and on MY cellphone! If I close my eyes I can imagine that Leonard was reading it just to me (he wasn't). And then another message from Keith with Leonard Cohen singing with some other artists. And then a final message of a very excited Keith who wanted to let me know he had a fantastic day and that he did indeed get a book signed for me and that he'd be delivering it to me in person in June. Awww.

The thing that makes this story wonderful is that Keith is a really new friend. Keith is a one of Eli's close friends and when he found out that we were dating, he made a sincere effort to get to know me even though we were across the country from each other. Keith sent me funny, lovely messages and he made sure to set aside some time for me when he visited Edmonton a couple months ago even though he had so many people to juggle into his schedule. The point is, Keith has proven himself to be a caring, generous, and kind-hearted person and it has blown me away. I think that you can tell a lot about a person by examining their close friendships. Like attracts like and good people seem surrounded by good friends. I fell in love with Eli but that feeling has been reinforced over and over again by the company he keeps.

Now, back to Leonard Cohen for a moment. My Dad was the first person who introduced me to music. In fact, much of my early musical influences are records that my Dad had. He happily let me listen to his records and I became a bit obsessive about the records and would play them over and over again ad nauseum while dancing around our basement. I remember the Leonard Cohen records sounding different than anything I'd ever heard before. They were songs with stories that were simple-sounding but proved to be much more complex upon subsequent listens. At that point I didn't know that Leonard Cohen was a writer as well. It wasn't until I was older that I discovered the beauty of his writing and fell in love with the way he expressed himself. Whenever I've felt anything strongly, Leonard is the person that I turn to. His poems, his music, and his whole persona seem to make whatever it is I'm feeling much more understandable and he's more adept at expressing the thoughts and feelings that I've had. Some people have commented that Leonard Cohen is depressing but I have never felt that way. To me, he is inspiring and motivating. He makes me feel that if I concentrated and focused that I too could write like him. Of course, this is the trick of truly brilliant artists...they make it *seem* like their art is easy. It isn't.

So that brings me to tonight. Tonight I am feeling lonely and sad and lost. At the same time I'm feeling optimistic and certain. It is a smattering of different, contrasting emotions but I feel like despite that Leonard would understand. He'd understand that love isn't always easy. He'd understand what I mean when I say that sometimes I feel that I'm difficult to love. He'd understand how I can feel so afraid and so confident at the same time and he'd express all of it succinctly. Something like:

If I,
If I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by

...

But I swear by this song
and by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee.