Searching
I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the Labour Day Weekend just passed and it is September again. Where did the summer go? Or, moreover, where has this year gone? The days slip by in what seems like a silent sleekness.
On Friday, I took a vacation day and went golfing in Athabasca with some of my office mates. One of my co-worker's has a beautiful log cabin on the lake there and invited us all to spend the evening. There were about 12 of us, and we spent much of the time laughing, drinking, and generally having a great time. It's nice to work in an office where the people get along so well that they are inclined to spend days off together. A multi-activity competition called the Templeton T-Off was set up that included golf, fishing, and a game of Rummoli. The overall winner would win the admiration and respect of everyone AND get their name on the Templeton trophy and lo and behold, I won. It was a surprise to everyone, including me. Somehow, I managed to golf the best game of my life, caught three fish (even though I've never fished before), and lucked out at Rummoli. Plus, the winner of the competition won a box of specialty golf balls worth $65, but since golfing isn't something I do very often, I made a deal with one of my co-workers that he could have the golf balls if he bought me coffee for a week. He thought he had gotten the good end of that deal but I would take coffee over golf balls any day!
The rest of the weekend was spent mired in introspection. I think I think too much these days. I've made some conscious choices that will be good in the long run, but leave me feeling lonely in the present. I feel like the protagonist in Joni Mitchell's "All I Want" -- on a lonely road and travelling. Looking for something, what can it be? Except it would be so much easier if I actually was travelling right now. Loneliness is acceptable when you are in an unfamiliar place, it's acceptable when you are away from home, but it is not acceptable when you are just living your day-to-day life. Joni goes on to say, "I want to be strong, I want to laugh along, I want to belong to the living" and that echoes so much of what I've been feeling.
Last weekend, when I was in the mountains on the camping trip, I spent a bit of time with a friend that I don't get to see nearly often enough. We made our way down to the dock that sat along the river with the most beautiful landscape before us and chatted. He turned to me, at one point, and remarked that he hadn't seen me out to events with our friends for the entirety of the summer and told me that I was missed. He told me that in his experience, even the most awkward situations can eventually be resolved, and that I shouldn't feel like I have to be a stranger. I was touched by his genuineness and his earnest optimism, but right now I just can't put on a brave face. Which isn't to say that I want to lose touch with everyone, on the contrary, there are some people that I'd love to hear from on a one-on-one basis.
So, on I go, trying to build new friendships and explore different activities. Continuing running on a regular basis, enrollment in Pilates, beginning a lunch-hour Tai Chi class, and searching for connection.
Like the sun, my hope will rise again.
On Friday, I took a vacation day and went golfing in Athabasca with some of my office mates. One of my co-worker's has a beautiful log cabin on the lake there and invited us all to spend the evening. There were about 12 of us, and we spent much of the time laughing, drinking, and generally having a great time. It's nice to work in an office where the people get along so well that they are inclined to spend days off together. A multi-activity competition called the Templeton T-Off was set up that included golf, fishing, and a game of Rummoli. The overall winner would win the admiration and respect of everyone AND get their name on the Templeton trophy and lo and behold, I won. It was a surprise to everyone, including me. Somehow, I managed to golf the best game of my life, caught three fish (even though I've never fished before), and lucked out at Rummoli. Plus, the winner of the competition won a box of specialty golf balls worth $65, but since golfing isn't something I do very often, I made a deal with one of my co-workers that he could have the golf balls if he bought me coffee for a week. He thought he had gotten the good end of that deal but I would take coffee over golf balls any day!
The rest of the weekend was spent mired in introspection. I think I think too much these days. I've made some conscious choices that will be good in the long run, but leave me feeling lonely in the present. I feel like the protagonist in Joni Mitchell's "All I Want" -- on a lonely road and travelling. Looking for something, what can it be? Except it would be so much easier if I actually was travelling right now. Loneliness is acceptable when you are in an unfamiliar place, it's acceptable when you are away from home, but it is not acceptable when you are just living your day-to-day life. Joni goes on to say, "I want to be strong, I want to laugh along, I want to belong to the living" and that echoes so much of what I've been feeling.
Last weekend, when I was in the mountains on the camping trip, I spent a bit of time with a friend that I don't get to see nearly often enough. We made our way down to the dock that sat along the river with the most beautiful landscape before us and chatted. He turned to me, at one point, and remarked that he hadn't seen me out to events with our friends for the entirety of the summer and told me that I was missed. He told me that in his experience, even the most awkward situations can eventually be resolved, and that I shouldn't feel like I have to be a stranger. I was touched by his genuineness and his earnest optimism, but right now I just can't put on a brave face. Which isn't to say that I want to lose touch with everyone, on the contrary, there are some people that I'd love to hear from on a one-on-one basis.
So, on I go, trying to build new friendships and explore different activities. Continuing running on a regular basis, enrollment in Pilates, beginning a lunch-hour Tai Chi class, and searching for connection.
Like the sun, my hope will rise again.
posted by Leah at
2:09 p.m.
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