Alone Again, Naturally

The romance with A. has stalled, perhaps indefinitely. As I've gotten to know him better, I have learned about his very strong religious beliefs and although I would never have expected that to be an issue, it most definitely is. When we were first getting to know each other he did bring up the fact that he was (err…is) a Christian, but when I pressed him about what that meant, he was fairly elusive and I thought that meant that he was religious in the way many of my friends are (ie. going to church on major holidays, believing in something/someone out there but still living a pretty normal life) but, unfortunately that is not the case. I am not really disappointed as this is what the beginning of dating someone is all about -- learning if you are compatible. It's funny, I've never considered myself religious but I have very strong feelings when I think about my potential children attending a Christian school or going to church on the weekend. We have plans to get together tomorrow and talk more about all of this, but I am not terribly optimistic that we can bridge this gap.

In a way, however, that makes me happy. I was excited about the potential for a nice, solid, easy relationship, but upon looking at my life right now, it is really not suited for a relationship. I am like a kid in a candy store. I want a bit of this and a piece of that and I want to try that thing over there that I've never tried before. Is it possible to find someone who shares my curiosity, my sense of adventure, my desire to just go where the wind blows? I'd say it's pretty unlikely. I have tried to have an open mind and I have tried to let myself fall with a variety of people, but after the initial stages I have felt suffocated and limited by those relationships. I don't blame anyone for that, it's just me being me. A mixture of me being afraid to let go and be hurt and a mixture of me just enjoying being an independent person again.

The planets turning but I cant stand still
The clock is ticking but I cant stop time
And all I want is to be by myself
Do you think that's a crime?
-Chromeo