Fall

There is a cool breeze that is making it seem more like September or October than mid-August. For me, it's blissful as I adore Fall. I love the cozy sweaters that come with the season, the yellowish-orangey-red hues that fill the landscape, and the crunching leaves under my feet. Despite this blissful weather, I've noticed that for the last couple of days I haven't felt entirely great. It's a vague feeling of something (boredom? malaise? sadness?) that I can't quite put my finger on. I don't tend to drink when I'm feeling blue, but yesterday I impulsively stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of red wine, and consumed most of it while I lay in a bubble bath. I got out of the tub, put on my pajamas, and crawled into bed to read for a while. Apparently, the combination of wine and hot water was too much as I drifted off to sleep with the lights on and the book on my chest. I awoke at 3am, disoriented, with Reese pouncing on my toes. She got kicked out of my room and I fell back asleep for a few more hours of sleep.

When I awoke later, there was an email in my inbox from a friend who's currently travelling abroad. Based on some things that we had been discussing she wrote, "You are such a strong girl, you continue to impress me. When I first met you all I knew was that you were adorable and very smart in a most impressive way. But the longer I know you, the more I see that you are truly one of the strongest and coolest women I know. You had a time of great suffering and I am glad that you are now able to benefit in a way from being stronger and more at peace than ever." There is such kindness in her words, and I love her for that, especially since her words came on a day when my spirits aren't quite as bright as normal.

As the day goes on, however, my outlook on life continues to get better. I just got back from a run with a couple of my co-workers which has left me with endorphins rushing through my bloodstream. It's entirely possible that my downswing in mood is completely attributable to not following a very stringent running schedule. I have to remember how good it makes me feel to exercise and make sure that I fit it in several times per week.

This evening, I'm having dinner with A. and I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. Eeep, my stomach just flip-flopped : )

I know it doesn't seem that way
But maybe it's the perfect day
- Ron Sexsmith