Blossom

Sunday morning I woke up from a fitful sleep caused by nervousness. I slowly jumped in the shower and spent an inordinate time staring at my breasts, poking the nipples and pondering whether I should go through with what I was planning. The week before I had confidently walked into a piercing studio and made an appointment to get my nipples pierced, but when the day arrived I was feeling much less confident and much more nervous.

I met up with Eli and had a light but yummy breakfast where he tried to take my mind off of the piercing. We spent a bit of time wandering around and then walked over to the shop. I sat down and nervously filled out the questionairre and waited to go in. Before I knew it, I was being told that it was my turn and I anxiously walked into the back still wondering if this was really such a good idea. I walked into the piercing room and was struck by how warm and inviting it was. The walls were a soft chocolate colour and there was an interesting lighting fixture set up in the corner that gave the room a soft glow. My piercer was friendly and calming. He patiently explained what would happen, told me how to take care of my piercings and answered all my questions.

At that point he told me he was going to get his supplies ready and I gingerly removed my shirt. He carefully measured and remeasured and remeasured again to make sure that he was marking the right spots. Once he was satisfied that he had it measured correctly he had me lie down. Eli held my hand and smiled at me encouragingly. I took several deep breaths and the first one was done. The piercer changed sides and again I took some deep breaths and the second one was done. It hurt but not nearly as much as I anticipated that it was going to. I kept breathing deeply as he put in the jewellery and that was it. The whole experience was a smooth, seamless, relatively easy one. I got up and looked at my new breasts in the mirror. They seemed familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I got dressed and left the studio feeling proud and a little shakey from the endorphin rush.

I'm happy with myself. I feel like I pushed my personal boundaries a little bit by doing this and that is a good thing in my mind. For me, this piercing represents an acceptance of my body in a different way than ever before. It's decorating parts that I previously felt self-conscious about. It's drawing attention where I used to attempt to avert it. At the same time, I like walking around my office knowing that no one would ever suspect that's what I got up to on the weekend.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than that risk it took to blossom.
- Anais Nin