Strep Throat vs Penicillin: Penicillin Wins
This entry is dedicated to Sir Alexander Fleming, the genius who discovered Penicillin:
I'm feeling much, much, MUCH, MUCH better. This is most definitely because Penicillin is currently waging war inside my body with the evil Streptococcus bacteria and Penicillin is winning! Oh yeah! Go Penicillin! Fight! Fight! Fight! I really haven't lost my mind, I'm just deliriously happy to be feeling like myself again.
This weekend got me thinking a lot about conflict and how differently people deal with it. In my opinion, most people don't deal with it all that well. People get stubborn, defensive, and small conflicts tend to explode into much bigger ones. Where do we first learn about conflict? From our families, and more specifically, from our parents. I recall my parent's fighting and I remember that it was always my Mom who smoothed over conflict, calming my Dad down, and making things peaceful again. After my Mom died, I began to take the brunt of my Dad's temper/anger/stubbornness. Now, my Dad was never abusive, but I wouldn't say that he was great at dealing with conflict. Once he was set off, he would stew and be angry for long periods of time. It upset me and ingrained in me the idea that conflicts were something to be avoided at all costs because they would linger long afterwards.
Fast forward to me entering into relationships and it's not surprising that I found myself dating men who weren't great at dealing with conflict. There was the guy who had such a bad temper that he ended up yelling at me and throwing something in a fit of anger. There was the guy who would sulk and be difficult for days after the smallest of arguments. There was the guy who would hang up on me and refuse to discuss anything once he got angry. Over and over the message was relayed to me: conflict is bad! As soon as someone gets angry with me, I get very upset and feel like my whole world is falling apart. If I'm dating someone, I assume that this is IT, that they will realize that they don't want to be with me. If it's a friend, then I get very worried that this will be the end of our friendship. If conflict happens at work then I assume that I'm going to get fired. It's irrational and illogical but it kind of makes sense why I would react that way.
So, imagine how surprising it is to date someone who is "good" at conflict. Someone who gets angry but is direct about his feelings and is willing to deal with the problem right away. Someone who is willing to come to resolution on an argument and be completely normal afterwards. Someone who apologizes for his part in the argument and sincerely accepts my apology for my part in it. I still don't like fighting, but I know that conflict is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. I know that couples who *don't* fight are probably worse off than those who have occasional arguments. It's reassuring to know that it is possible to have an argument that doesn't become a catastrophe and it makes me feel less inclined to just bottle things up.
Things are looking up, friends.
I'm feeling much, much, MUCH, MUCH better. This is most definitely because Penicillin is currently waging war inside my body with the evil Streptococcus bacteria and Penicillin is winning! Oh yeah! Go Penicillin! Fight! Fight! Fight! I really haven't lost my mind, I'm just deliriously happy to be feeling like myself again.
This weekend got me thinking a lot about conflict and how differently people deal with it. In my opinion, most people don't deal with it all that well. People get stubborn, defensive, and small conflicts tend to explode into much bigger ones. Where do we first learn about conflict? From our families, and more specifically, from our parents. I recall my parent's fighting and I remember that it was always my Mom who smoothed over conflict, calming my Dad down, and making things peaceful again. After my Mom died, I began to take the brunt of my Dad's temper/anger/stubbornness. Now, my Dad was never abusive, but I wouldn't say that he was great at dealing with conflict. Once he was set off, he would stew and be angry for long periods of time. It upset me and ingrained in me the idea that conflicts were something to be avoided at all costs because they would linger long afterwards.
Fast forward to me entering into relationships and it's not surprising that I found myself dating men who weren't great at dealing with conflict. There was the guy who had such a bad temper that he ended up yelling at me and throwing something in a fit of anger. There was the guy who would sulk and be difficult for days after the smallest of arguments. There was the guy who would hang up on me and refuse to discuss anything once he got angry. Over and over the message was relayed to me: conflict is bad! As soon as someone gets angry with me, I get very upset and feel like my whole world is falling apart. If I'm dating someone, I assume that this is IT, that they will realize that they don't want to be with me. If it's a friend, then I get very worried that this will be the end of our friendship. If conflict happens at work then I assume that I'm going to get fired. It's irrational and illogical but it kind of makes sense why I would react that way.
So, imagine how surprising it is to date someone who is "good" at conflict. Someone who gets angry but is direct about his feelings and is willing to deal with the problem right away. Someone who is willing to come to resolution on an argument and be completely normal afterwards. Someone who apologizes for his part in the argument and sincerely accepts my apology for my part in it. I still don't like fighting, but I know that conflict is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. I know that couples who *don't* fight are probably worse off than those who have occasional arguments. It's reassuring to know that it is possible to have an argument that doesn't become a catastrophe and it makes me feel less inclined to just bottle things up.
Things are looking up, friends.
posted by Leah at
2:04 p.m.
3 Comments:
Hey Leah. I forgot to give you the name of that book I was telling you about. It's called: "The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self" by Alice Miller.
I think the book is titled incorrectly because it has little to do with gifted children...but deals a lot with the issues you discussed in this blog entry. For instance, it deals with children who were never allowed to express their true feelings.
Hope you're feeling better. And drink more water god dammit!
-Avideh
thanks avideh : ) i meant to ask you about that book after we talked about it. it sounds interesting.
let's get together this weekend!
Hey Leah - this has nothing to do with strep throat or suppressed emotions, just a little hello from one blogger to another :)
Hello.
Thanks for stopping by my blog...I have checked out yours here and there, but will put it in my "rotation" now that you've came by. Tell Eli I said Hello!
I used to help him deliver flyers once upon a time...Nice guy!
Ciao!
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