Blech
Messageboards are funny things. People take on certain personas which may or may not be an accurate depiction of who they are. Given enough time, the typed names develop into 3D characters but, in the end, they are just that: characters. I've frequented this messageboard for a number of years. Some days it's comical, some days it's enlightening, some days it's frustrating, and some days I swear I'm going to quit and never come back again.
Over the last few weeks I've been rather bitchy to someone on there. I'm not going to say that I didn't realize what I was doing because I did, however, I let anger get in the way of thinking through my actions. It took a good friend sitting me down and telling me that my behaviour wasn't really appreciated to get me to realize that I was being rather overdramatic and ridiculous. The fact is, things are going to happen in life that are disappointing and upsetting and we choose how we react to those situations. One response is acceptance of the reality of a given situation (good) while another response is to throw a temper tantrum in front of everyone (bad). I'm not proud of admitting that this year I've tended to opt for option number 2.
I've apologized to the person that was affected by my bitchy outbursts but this isn't the first time I've done something like this to her. In addition, she isn't the only person I've acted badly towards this year. It's difficult to take a long, hard look at yourself and see a bunch of flaws. It's difficult to think: maybe a lot of my "problems" are directly related to things that I've done and choices that I've made.
I've resolved in my own mind to be more cognizant of my actions and not repeat the same patterns over and over again. I think I've definitely come to realize that I should remain silent when angry because I tend to think rather irrationally which leads to me saying things I later regret. I've also come to realize that with a messageboard comes a certain degree of power. There is a captivated audience who gobbles up any sort of drama handed to them. It is not in my best interest to feed that.
So, the long and short of it is, I want to put all of this behind me and turn a new page. This isn't the first time I've said that either so there is no use trying to convince anyone of that. The proof will be in my actions and that will only be seen in time.
Over the last few weeks I've been rather bitchy to someone on there. I'm not going to say that I didn't realize what I was doing because I did, however, I let anger get in the way of thinking through my actions. It took a good friend sitting me down and telling me that my behaviour wasn't really appreciated to get me to realize that I was being rather overdramatic and ridiculous. The fact is, things are going to happen in life that are disappointing and upsetting and we choose how we react to those situations. One response is acceptance of the reality of a given situation (good) while another response is to throw a temper tantrum in front of everyone (bad). I'm not proud of admitting that this year I've tended to opt for option number 2.
I've apologized to the person that was affected by my bitchy outbursts but this isn't the first time I've done something like this to her. In addition, she isn't the only person I've acted badly towards this year. It's difficult to take a long, hard look at yourself and see a bunch of flaws. It's difficult to think: maybe a lot of my "problems" are directly related to things that I've done and choices that I've made.
I've resolved in my own mind to be more cognizant of my actions and not repeat the same patterns over and over again. I think I've definitely come to realize that I should remain silent when angry because I tend to think rather irrationally which leads to me saying things I later regret. I've also come to realize that with a messageboard comes a certain degree of power. There is a captivated audience who gobbles up any sort of drama handed to them. It is not in my best interest to feed that.
So, the long and short of it is, I want to put all of this behind me and turn a new page. This isn't the first time I've said that either so there is no use trying to convince anyone of that. The proof will be in my actions and that will only be seen in time.
posted by Leah at
5:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
I concur that most of the time keeping your mouth shut is a good thing. It's pretty hard to do sometimes though.
I guess I just wanted to say that I think the internet can be VERY hurtful and that I sure understand how you feel. Pretty much the only time I ever do anything bad is yelling at (certain) people on the internet, and usually afterwards I'm pretty ashamed.
But then again, how much do you let people get away with? Once you've established an identity on a forum, once you've met some people from it, it becomes much more personal. I'm sure not going to care what some anonymous dude says, but if it's someone I know, even if it's not personally, it's a lot harder to keep the trap shut, especially when they say stuff about you that's either untrue, or just plain mean.
At the end of the day I'm the INTERNET JERK and maybe I have the biggest problem, but I'm not the only one with issues of meaness.
" I should remain silent when angry because I tend to think rather irrationally"
being emotional and being rational rarely go hand in hand. and anger generally being one of the stronger emotions, usually comes with a more profound lack of rationality. i think realizing this about yourself is a big step further than most people get. it doesnt make it ok, but it does happen. we're all of us human, and none of us perfect.
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