Hmm...
This week, I've been wondering about this blog. I've been thinking of changing the url for it altogether and then possibly just keeping it as a private journal or sharing it with a very select group of people. I sometimes feel like I am setting myself up to have my words thrown back at me at a later time and then that makes me feel like I should edit out certain things and then that makes me wonder what the point of writing is if it isn't really saying much. So, this post will be a slight departure from the usual. I'm going to talk directly about a few things.
One of the things that has led me to feel uncertain about my site is that in looking at the stats on my page, there are three people who are very regular visitors who have said that they want little to nothing to do with me. So, if they've said that they want nothing to do with me, what makes them want to read about my thoughts or feelings or happenings in my life? Is it just curiosity? Is it hoping to read about me being unhappy? Is it checking to make sure that I'm not writing something that I shouldn't? Or, something else? There are lots of other people who check this site too, but not nearly as consistently as those three.
I've been thinking about what my motivation is for having this site. It certainly isn't to keep people who don't really like me informed about my life. I feel that they don't deserve to hear my thoughts and it feels like I'm exposing myself. On the other hand, I love writing, I love trying to figure out what I think about certain things and I love sharing that with my friends and with strangers who poke their heads in here. I don't want to feel muted from sharing because there are some people who I wish were a little less interested in my life.
There's one person, in particular, who despite saying that she doesn't care about me or my life, continues to pop in and out of it. I sincerely wish that she would just leave me alone. There were a few months where I didn't hear a thing from her and it was so nice. Then, the day before yesterday, out of the blue, she wrote to me about something pretty odd. As soon as a dialogue began between us, it quickly went downhill. Because of that, I told her that it's better that we just steer clear of each other. I do not mean that in a malicious way, I just feel that she isn't someone I want a part of any aspect of my life. I don't trust her and I don't feel that there's any need for interaction between us. I wish she would understand that and respect my desire to be left alone. Hopefully, this time that will be what actually happens. It gets tiring having the same conversation over and over and over again.
It has felt so good to distance myself more and more from people that I don't care about and focus my attention and energy on the people in my life who matter. I've met some interesting people in recent months who have made me realize that it's a big world out there and there's no need to stay stuck in a place you aren't happy. The more that I distance myself from the past, the happier that I am. The more that I set goals for myself and achieve them, the more confident that I feel. The more that I spend time with my tried and true friends, the more I feel like I'm moving forward. Things feel like they have been slowly falling into place, making more sense, and like I'm figuring out the next direction I want to go in.
Leave it all behind my friend, release it to the wind
There are other roads to walk along and places you’ve never been
- Eva Cassidy
So, for now, I'll keep writing as I think through the idea of what I want this site to be and what I don't want it to be. Perhaps, I'll just start posting the adventures of my cat from now on : )
One of the things that has led me to feel uncertain about my site is that in looking at the stats on my page, there are three people who are very regular visitors who have said that they want little to nothing to do with me. So, if they've said that they want nothing to do with me, what makes them want to read about my thoughts or feelings or happenings in my life? Is it just curiosity? Is it hoping to read about me being unhappy? Is it checking to make sure that I'm not writing something that I shouldn't? Or, something else? There are lots of other people who check this site too, but not nearly as consistently as those three.
I've been thinking about what my motivation is for having this site. It certainly isn't to keep people who don't really like me informed about my life. I feel that they don't deserve to hear my thoughts and it feels like I'm exposing myself. On the other hand, I love writing, I love trying to figure out what I think about certain things and I love sharing that with my friends and with strangers who poke their heads in here. I don't want to feel muted from sharing because there are some people who I wish were a little less interested in my life.
There's one person, in particular, who despite saying that she doesn't care about me or my life, continues to pop in and out of it. I sincerely wish that she would just leave me alone. There were a few months where I didn't hear a thing from her and it was so nice. Then, the day before yesterday, out of the blue, she wrote to me about something pretty odd. As soon as a dialogue began between us, it quickly went downhill. Because of that, I told her that it's better that we just steer clear of each other. I do not mean that in a malicious way, I just feel that she isn't someone I want a part of any aspect of my life. I don't trust her and I don't feel that there's any need for interaction between us. I wish she would understand that and respect my desire to be left alone. Hopefully, this time that will be what actually happens. It gets tiring having the same conversation over and over and over again.
It has felt so good to distance myself more and more from people that I don't care about and focus my attention and energy on the people in my life who matter. I've met some interesting people in recent months who have made me realize that it's a big world out there and there's no need to stay stuck in a place you aren't happy. The more that I distance myself from the past, the happier that I am. The more that I set goals for myself and achieve them, the more confident that I feel. The more that I spend time with my tried and true friends, the more I feel like I'm moving forward. Things feel like they have been slowly falling into place, making more sense, and like I'm figuring out the next direction I want to go in.
Leave it all behind my friend, release it to the wind
There are other roads to walk along and places you’ve never been
- Eva Cassidy
So, for now, I'll keep writing as I think through the idea of what I want this site to be and what I don't want it to be. Perhaps, I'll just start posting the adventures of my cat from now on : )
posted by Leah at
2:59 p.m.
4 Comments:
If people are of no consequence to your life, then really - their actions are of no consequence to you.
Let this be what you want it to be.
(I read a lot of blogs because it's interesting to see other perspectives, especially if you don't know them, and it's a good short break in between jobs at the office.)
She won't let go because you slept with her boyfriend. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
ps - you're top on my rotation. I really like your way of approaching a blog
"If people are of no consequence to your life, then really - their actions are of no consequence to you."
Yes, intellectually I know this but emotionally I have to continue to remind myself of this.
"She won't let go because you slept with her boyfriend. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
Well, if that is the case then her scorn seems misdirected. I'd think she should have more issues with the other person who betrayed her trust.
"ps - you're top on my rotation. I really like your way of approaching a blog"
Thank you : ) Comments like that make me want to keep writing.
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